It’s been a while. Sorry about that.
The days have been blurring together the way that everything outside of a car window does unless you try really hard to focus on one place. And even if you do manage to catch a glimpse of something, it immediately vanishes and is replaced by something else. And so the days melted into weeks and the weeks into months and here I am, grasping at vapors to make sense of what’s been happening. But before writing this post, I resolved to make this something more like a stream-of-consciousness piece. So I don’t know if it’ll make sense, and I don’t think it’ll sound much like my posts before. But if you’re okay with that, please read on.
I’ll start there, I guess. My previous posts, I mean. When I first toyed around with the idea of keeping a blog, I felt this internal pressure to keep it lighthearted and optimistic. To keep it sounding overly positive. And I’m not entirely sure why, but that’s the mindset I had. This, combined with an almost frantic need to reach a self-imposed deadline, had thrown me for a loop. I wasn’t (and still am not) entirely satisfied with what I’ve written so far. But I also think there is value in that, the honesty and simplicity of such posts. But I do feel differently about the tone of my posts from here on out.
A lot has happened over the past two months, generally speaking. I was able to visit Shuza Church in Osaka and meet up with dear friends I’d been missing. Josh flew out here and I went with our bosses to pick him up. I was recently able to go to Tokyo with him and be refreshed by spending time with brothers I’d also missed. I received my residence card and moved into my new apartment. And I’ve been working what I imagine to be typical workweeks in Japan. And so my life feels like it has some routine in it now, a familiar pulse and rhythm that lets me breathe. I feel like I can breathe a little more easily now. And I can also feel right now as I type away on my tablet hybrid, that I feel a little more like myself and that Japan feels a little more like home. I could write about the trips I’ve taken, but I don’t think I will here. I’m sorry if that disappoints you. I will say that they were fun and much-needed points of rejuvenation.
There have been some hangouts interspersed throughout the weeks of work that I’ve been very grateful for, and some people that I’ve been meeting up with consistently. Making new friends has actually been really easy and not at all the suffocating mess that the introverted me had imagined it might have possibly been. J is a white Christian guy from the States who’s been out here for a couple of years now. I only recently found out he’s Christian, but it was nice having another American guy friend out here, as Josh wasn’t out here until only recently. And while there are other people, I’d also like to tell you about two Japanese girls I’ve had the privilege of hanging out with: Y and M.
M is older than I am by a surprising amount of years, as you’d never guess it from looking at her. But by no means is she old. She has a big sister vibe about her that I appreciate and she can speak English fluently, to the point that it seems as though she had lived abroad for a certain amount of time (she hasn’t). Y is around our age and is really funny. She’s currently on a quest to learn English before she goes on a working holiday overseas. She has also been instrumental in the success of the two trips I’ve taken (i.e. she navigated the Japanese bus sites to get the tickets that I took to Osaka and Tokyo), and for her answers to my many questions regarding Japanese customs and society. I used the word privilege because that is truly how I feel about my friendship with them. I believe it to be a God-given privilege to have come to Japan at the time that I did and to have met these two. A few weeks back, I was hanging out with them in a neighboring town that is much bigger than the town I’m in. What we did isn’t as important as what happened as the day wound down and evening fell. Tired of walking around, we made our way to a Saizeriya, a chain restaurant/diner that serves mainly Italian food. Apparently, a custom of Japanese people is that when they want to talk, they’ll go to these places and just get the drink bar, which is access to unlimited usage of the fountain drinks and coffee. It’s the equivalent of people meeting up at or heading out to cafes to grab coffee or boba and pass the time. We sat down and began to talk. At first, about funny videos, which turned into a talk about culture, which turned into a talk about differences in culture, which turned into a talk about differences in the cultural values and emphases placed on gender and the nuclear family, which turned into a talk about the differences in my familial experiences and theirs, which turned into a talk where I was able to share the gospel with them. And suddenly, I instinctively felt deep in my spirit that God was at work. Without going into too much detail, these two girls actually started to cry at different points as they opened up their lives to me a little bit. I’d only known these girls for a couple of months and I’d only hung out with them a few times. Yet there we sat in that diner, in a four-seat booth, the two girls sitting opposite me and telling me more about themselves than I bet they had ever expected to. I distinctly remember my butt feeling unreasonably warm and growing tired of sitting; that’s how long we stayed. But I was awestruck to just be there. Only God can make a talk about Youtube videos turn into a talk about Him. Fast forward a few weeks to now, and Y is coming to church with me and Josh for the first time in her life soon. Hallelujah.
But that talk did more for me than I thought it would. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say God, in that talk, did just as much for me as He did for them. I am going to be vulnerable here with you, dear friends. I’ve only been out to church three times since I’ve been out here. Yes, I know it’s a crime and you may gasp and have to fight your visceral reaction and instinctual need to tell me how wrong that is, but please spare me your judgment. I’ve already come to peace with God after my own wrestling over that. If you read my testimony from STEM 2014, or spoke with me about that trip, you might remember that the entire month could be summed up for me in the following sentence God placed in my heart: “If only you are obedient to Me, I will be faithful to you.” During these past three months out here, God has not changed, but expanded it to include: “Yet even when you are disobedient to Me, I will be faithful to you.” As I sat on that red, rubbery bench seat and told them about the love of God, that the Creator and Sustainer of the universe would stoop to the level of his tainted creation and die a cursed death on an instrument of torture so that blemished man may know pure love, something stirred within my own heart. God’s faithfulness was so tangible to me in that moment.
Please don’t misunderstand me when I say that I felt the need to get away from surrounding myself with Christians. I don’t believe that is wrong (in fact, that is the very reason the community of Church must be present in the life of a Christian), but I do believe that God placed a restlessness in me with where I was in my life – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – that led me out here to Japan. There was a flurry of thoughts and emotions, and a definite sense of regret for robbing myself of the opportunities to minister to wanderers because I had surrounded myself exclusively with Christian friends. Yet even after His faithfulness in bringing me out, I rebelled in my own quiet way and strove to find my own way forward. As if man can live as an island…yet I subconsciously tried to. I even found my very language being changed as I stopped attending church consistently; I liked that I stopped speaking so much Christianese but prayers started to feel like a clumsy dance on my tongue. But even so, as I told them about this divine love story, something stirred within me, something familiar and raw and vibrant. I think it was my smoldering faith catching the passing wind of the Spirit and flickering once more. And as I told them about Jesus’ sweet, loving reinstatement of Peter, three tender affirmations for three acts of betrayal, tears started to pool in my own eyes. As I was speaking, I saw the parallels in Peter’s and my story: disobedience being met with faithfulness time and time again. The sentence God had given me is not new; in fact, I believe every Christian has heard that message before and may mentally understand it. But to experience it is something else entirely. I chose to go out with friends on this particular Sunday afternoon instead of going to church and God still saw fit to use me that evening to share His message with these two daughters whom He loves deeply. As my own spirit was stirred, everything that had begun to feel so distant felt so close again. I could see the lines on Jesus’ face once more as He swayed and sang in front of me, like I was within reach of His hands again. He felt so near. And so it is with renewed hope and vigor that I have again resolved to try to live my life fully in Him.
I’m not too sure where to go from here so I think I’ll end it. Thank you for reading through this meandering wall of text. This post has done much for me even just through my typing it; I hope it's at least an interesting read for you.
I have a few pictures and videos I want to share with you of some of the things I've done over these months:
The view from the same place in Omaezaki.
The days have been blurring together the way that everything outside of a car window does unless you try really hard to focus on one place. And even if you do manage to catch a glimpse of something, it immediately vanishes and is replaced by something else. And so the days melted into weeks and the weeks into months and here I am, grasping at vapors to make sense of what’s been happening. But before writing this post, I resolved to make this something more like a stream-of-consciousness piece. So I don’t know if it’ll make sense, and I don’t think it’ll sound much like my posts before. But if you’re okay with that, please read on.
I’ll start there, I guess. My previous posts, I mean. When I first toyed around with the idea of keeping a blog, I felt this internal pressure to keep it lighthearted and optimistic. To keep it sounding overly positive. And I’m not entirely sure why, but that’s the mindset I had. This, combined with an almost frantic need to reach a self-imposed deadline, had thrown me for a loop. I wasn’t (and still am not) entirely satisfied with what I’ve written so far. But I also think there is value in that, the honesty and simplicity of such posts. But I do feel differently about the tone of my posts from here on out.
A lot has happened over the past two months, generally speaking. I was able to visit Shuza Church in Osaka and meet up with dear friends I’d been missing. Josh flew out here and I went with our bosses to pick him up. I was recently able to go to Tokyo with him and be refreshed by spending time with brothers I’d also missed. I received my residence card and moved into my new apartment. And I’ve been working what I imagine to be typical workweeks in Japan. And so my life feels like it has some routine in it now, a familiar pulse and rhythm that lets me breathe. I feel like I can breathe a little more easily now. And I can also feel right now as I type away on my tablet hybrid, that I feel a little more like myself and that Japan feels a little more like home. I could write about the trips I’ve taken, but I don’t think I will here. I’m sorry if that disappoints you. I will say that they were fun and much-needed points of rejuvenation.
There have been some hangouts interspersed throughout the weeks of work that I’ve been very grateful for, and some people that I’ve been meeting up with consistently. Making new friends has actually been really easy and not at all the suffocating mess that the introverted me had imagined it might have possibly been. J is a white Christian guy from the States who’s been out here for a couple of years now. I only recently found out he’s Christian, but it was nice having another American guy friend out here, as Josh wasn’t out here until only recently. And while there are other people, I’d also like to tell you about two Japanese girls I’ve had the privilege of hanging out with: Y and M.
M is older than I am by a surprising amount of years, as you’d never guess it from looking at her. But by no means is she old. She has a big sister vibe about her that I appreciate and she can speak English fluently, to the point that it seems as though she had lived abroad for a certain amount of time (she hasn’t). Y is around our age and is really funny. She’s currently on a quest to learn English before she goes on a working holiday overseas. She has also been instrumental in the success of the two trips I’ve taken (i.e. she navigated the Japanese bus sites to get the tickets that I took to Osaka and Tokyo), and for her answers to my many questions regarding Japanese customs and society. I used the word privilege because that is truly how I feel about my friendship with them. I believe it to be a God-given privilege to have come to Japan at the time that I did and to have met these two. A few weeks back, I was hanging out with them in a neighboring town that is much bigger than the town I’m in. What we did isn’t as important as what happened as the day wound down and evening fell. Tired of walking around, we made our way to a Saizeriya, a chain restaurant/diner that serves mainly Italian food. Apparently, a custom of Japanese people is that when they want to talk, they’ll go to these places and just get the drink bar, which is access to unlimited usage of the fountain drinks and coffee. It’s the equivalent of people meeting up at or heading out to cafes to grab coffee or boba and pass the time. We sat down and began to talk. At first, about funny videos, which turned into a talk about culture, which turned into a talk about differences in culture, which turned into a talk about differences in the cultural values and emphases placed on gender and the nuclear family, which turned into a talk about the differences in my familial experiences and theirs, which turned into a talk where I was able to share the gospel with them. And suddenly, I instinctively felt deep in my spirit that God was at work. Without going into too much detail, these two girls actually started to cry at different points as they opened up their lives to me a little bit. I’d only known these girls for a couple of months and I’d only hung out with them a few times. Yet there we sat in that diner, in a four-seat booth, the two girls sitting opposite me and telling me more about themselves than I bet they had ever expected to. I distinctly remember my butt feeling unreasonably warm and growing tired of sitting; that’s how long we stayed. But I was awestruck to just be there. Only God can make a talk about Youtube videos turn into a talk about Him. Fast forward a few weeks to now, and Y is coming to church with me and Josh for the first time in her life soon. Hallelujah.
But that talk did more for me than I thought it would. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say God, in that talk, did just as much for me as He did for them. I am going to be vulnerable here with you, dear friends. I’ve only been out to church three times since I’ve been out here. Yes, I know it’s a crime and you may gasp and have to fight your visceral reaction and instinctual need to tell me how wrong that is, but please spare me your judgment. I’ve already come to peace with God after my own wrestling over that. If you read my testimony from STEM 2014, or spoke with me about that trip, you might remember that the entire month could be summed up for me in the following sentence God placed in my heart: “If only you are obedient to Me, I will be faithful to you.” During these past three months out here, God has not changed, but expanded it to include: “Yet even when you are disobedient to Me, I will be faithful to you.” As I sat on that red, rubbery bench seat and told them about the love of God, that the Creator and Sustainer of the universe would stoop to the level of his tainted creation and die a cursed death on an instrument of torture so that blemished man may know pure love, something stirred within my own heart. God’s faithfulness was so tangible to me in that moment.
Please don’t misunderstand me when I say that I felt the need to get away from surrounding myself with Christians. I don’t believe that is wrong (in fact, that is the very reason the community of Church must be present in the life of a Christian), but I do believe that God placed a restlessness in me with where I was in my life – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – that led me out here to Japan. There was a flurry of thoughts and emotions, and a definite sense of regret for robbing myself of the opportunities to minister to wanderers because I had surrounded myself exclusively with Christian friends. Yet even after His faithfulness in bringing me out, I rebelled in my own quiet way and strove to find my own way forward. As if man can live as an island…yet I subconsciously tried to. I even found my very language being changed as I stopped attending church consistently; I liked that I stopped speaking so much Christianese but prayers started to feel like a clumsy dance on my tongue. But even so, as I told them about this divine love story, something stirred within me, something familiar and raw and vibrant. I think it was my smoldering faith catching the passing wind of the Spirit and flickering once more. And as I told them about Jesus’ sweet, loving reinstatement of Peter, three tender affirmations for three acts of betrayal, tears started to pool in my own eyes. As I was speaking, I saw the parallels in Peter’s and my story: disobedience being met with faithfulness time and time again. The sentence God had given me is not new; in fact, I believe every Christian has heard that message before and may mentally understand it. But to experience it is something else entirely. I chose to go out with friends on this particular Sunday afternoon instead of going to church and God still saw fit to use me that evening to share His message with these two daughters whom He loves deeply. As my own spirit was stirred, everything that had begun to feel so distant felt so close again. I could see the lines on Jesus’ face once more as He swayed and sang in front of me, like I was within reach of His hands again. He felt so near. And so it is with renewed hope and vigor that I have again resolved to try to live my life fully in Him.
I’m not too sure where to go from here so I think I’ll end it. Thank you for reading through this meandering wall of text. This post has done much for me even just through my typing it; I hope it's at least an interesting read for you.
I have a few pictures and videos I want to share with you of some of the things I've done over these months:
 |
| The view from somewhere in Omaezaki. |
 |
| A special type of udon (I think) from a town near the base of Mt. Fuji. |
Fireworks after hanami in Shizuoka.
Yabusame in Fujinomiya.
These pictures and videos are by no means encapsulating, but I hope they've given you a glimpse into the window of my life. You can kind of track the videos by the dates in the titles. I'll try to take more pictures and videos, but no guarantees...
Lastly, here are some prayer requests:
1) That I will act upon my convictions and lean upon the Rock of Ages whenever I grow weary.
2) That I would be able to build a community I sincerely love and can share life with.
3) That my love for this country and the people here would not stop growing.
4) For my family, for their continued health and joy.
5) And for you, dear friends, that you may find rest in the arms of Christ.
Hope to see you again soon.
Lastly, here are some prayer requests:
1) That I will act upon my convictions and lean upon the Rock of Ages whenever I grow weary.
2) That I would be able to build a community I sincerely love and can share life with.
3) That my love for this country and the people here would not stop growing.
4) For my family, for their continued health and joy.
5) And for you, dear friends, that you may find rest in the arms of Christ.
Hope to see you again soon.
http://pm1.narvii.com/5648/cbed98b3dcae31b6cf9e84d3d8ede9eba0525633_hq.jpg
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